1st week of school

I'm absolutely beat, this week has killed me. If anyone ever told you cosmetology school was easy, they LIED! No more knocking on Frenchy, I COMPLETELY get why she dropped out! Up at 5:30am each morning. Finally done homework/job hunting and in bed about 1-2am. Tomorrow is my last day for the week, my weekend starts on Sunday. Tonight I'm finally getting into bed early and I'm stoked. I promise a big update on sun or mon, it's definitely been an experience thus far! Today was the day things finally started to click and make sense, it was the best feeling in the world! It made me forget about all of my other worries temporarily.

how many ways can one say fucked?

The reason I haven't been blogging lately?

I have $27 to my name until I find a job.


Just in case you were wondering where I was.

Hanging on the telephone

I survived the move down to Rhode Island. The apartment situation is great, my new roommate is awesome. There was some good news on the school situation, they were able to move up my start date from August 4th to July 6th which is fantastic! I am SO excited to start. The job hunt however is EXTREMELY scary.

I've applied for well over 30 jobs. Out of all these applications I've gotten 0 interviews. I've learned that I am not qualified for retail, restaurants, fast food, janitorial, and call center work to name a few. If both Burger King and Walmart tell me "thanks but no thanks" what chance do I stand?? I can't get into details, but I had no choice when it came down to the decision to move early which means I wasn't able to put together a financial safety cushion. I have $100 to last me until I find a job. This also takes into consideration the fact that my cell phone will be getting turned off at the end of the month due to lack of payment. I was denied unemployment. I am willing to take ANY job that is thrown my way, regardless of what it is, I'm not sitting on my butt complaining that there are no jobs that I want to do, or that fit my standards. I can't get a call back for ANY job. And you know what? It's SCARY! It's nice that the government is wasting all their time trying to straighten out healthcare, but I'd rather have a roof over my head than a mandatory ridiculously high copay and another bill to add to the collection.

Luckily I've saved all of my boxes from my move so I should be able to build quite the hobo shack for the cats and myself!

The Final Countdown

This is where I should be embedding a really cheesy Europe video for your annoyance, lucky for you though I am way too lazy to hunt for such a thing. Today marks day 1 of the 3 day countdown. That's right 3 days until I move and my entire life as I know it, and have known it for years now, completely and totally changes. This week has been so hard for me. I have trouble with down time and waiting. Despite the fact that my grandmother repeatedly drilled the phrase "patience is a virtue" into my mind, all I got out of it was an extreme dislike of virtues in general. I just want to be down there already and taking care of the things I need to, like getting a job, or losing all this weight I've packed on due to stress/emotional eating. I can't really do anything right now and it's driving me insane. I have a few small chores but I've been spacing them out as much as I can so as to avoid a complete boredom induced breakdown. Here's what my next 3 days look like.

Today: Work, Clean Cat Carriers, (they we nicely tucked away in the basement but for some reason tool of a roommate stuck them on the back porch and now they're a rusted disaster)Laundry

Thursday: Work, Pack up my car (all 2 boxes and 1 filing cabinet that I have left to bring down)

Friday: Work, Wrangle the cats into their carriers and head down to Providence (This days is obviously going to be the most challenging. It normally takes at least 2 hours to get Whiskey in her carrier.

Needless to say, those are a lot of hours, with not enough tasks to fill them. So there's a very good chance the restlessness/boredom/stress will win.

My life is extremely mundane and quiet these days. I have no witty stories, nothing at all. My Aunt and I moved everything down to Providence this weekend. It's was an easy quick non-stressful move. No exciting or absurd events took place during said move. We were done early so as opposed to making such a long trip in one day we headed over to the Cape to visit relatives and spent the rest of the weekend there. It was extremely relaxing and so nice to catch up with everyone. I hadn't seen anyone down there since my grandmother's funeral. We drank copious amounts of wine and stared at the ocean. It was amazing and just the break I needed from my horrific life up north. Now it's back in Maine until Friday to finish up my last week of work.

ok, time to get these ovaries removed

I am worried sick about myself. I fear I've finally lost it and gone over the deep end. I am part of the Sex And The City generation. That show was still on the air as I entered the lovely world of "adulthood dating". When the last episode aired a bunch of girlfriends and I got together with numerous bottles of champagne and hor dourves and cried our eyes out together. I own all of the seasons on DVD. I turn to them any time a guy ever so much as looks at me, much less screws me over like they normally do. In my world, and all the women of my generation, those DVDS are the dating bible. And there's always one character in particular of whom we relate our personality to the most. When I first started with this series I was Samantha. To such an extent that I would have put Samantha to shame! For years I watched the show and seeing Samantha made me feel better about myself, made me realize that I was so far above my nitwit friends. Then a few years down the road some personal changes effected this judgment and suddenly I related with Carrie more. I just got her point of view better.

Flash forward to today. I watched the Bachelorette then got annoyed at ABC's Marry Me Monday and threw on a Sex And The City disk and who did I find myself relating to? Charlotte. Mother F-ing CHARLOTTE! You see all of my friends are settling down or already married. While before I viewed it as an "eww you guys are SO missing out on the fun!" issue, now as more people are joining I feel like I'm being denied at the door of a VIP Club, and I've never paid cover much less been denied at ANY club. I honestly don't know what's going on, but I can't help it, I want to be part of the "married" club. It's not even so much the marriage thing, it's that I want the excuse to throw the huge party and have everyone ooh and ahh at how awesome I am and how pretty my dress is.

Obviously the new realization that I am Charlotte was such a painful stinging smack in the face that I had to turn the tv off and head to the internet. Stupidly I went to www.dooce.com and saw the pictures of her new little baby girl. The pictures had just barely loaded on the site before my eyes welled up with tears and I blurted out loud "awww how precious! I want a baby!" Yes. You read that right. I had the same reaction as you, that realization of what I had just said, sent me straight to the kitchen to fill up another glass of wine. Not to mention, on top of this all, I spent all of last night dreaming of babies. (And of people trying to murder me, but that's a whole other issue all together leading back to my "Samantha Days") I guess I partially have to blame this on my family for currently shoving their desire for all of these things to happen down my throat, and partially on all of my friends for having all of these things currently occurring in their lives. However no matter who is to blame, the fact that these thoughts are even in my head, no matter how absurd or slight their existence, is completely and totally disturbing.

Would someone PLEASE take me out on the town, feed me vodka and Jameson shots, and hook me up with a hot one night stand so I can go back to the person I know and love? The person who can never remember the name of the guy she was with or be bothered to find her panties in the morning. I miss that girl!

It also does not help that I am PMSing right now.

Well there's one thing crossed off the list.

I move on the 27th. I found an apartment. It's big, HUGE kitchen. I have a big room with a bay window and a walk in closet larger than the closet I lived in way back in my West Hollywood days. It's also cheaper than the closet I lived in. The cats are going to love the windows. New roommate seems incredibly awesome. Honestly how can anyone who started drinking vermouth on the rocks after seeing Hedwig and realizing there was a way to not waste your liquor after the vodka runs out, not be awesome. She's also from California so she has that totally laid back chill attitude that I miss so much. Now I just have to find a job. And square away everything with school, which should happen on the 30th at my meeting with the financial aide department, whew.